Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
