Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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