oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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