hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I supernannyed him into submission
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
