Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
