just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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