i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
