I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Never joke about your clitoris.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
