my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
