The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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