I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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