It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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