I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize