everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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