Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
