Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
