if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
