8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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