the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
