Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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