That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
