So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
