i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
