I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
