He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
