wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
