I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
