Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The adults are the big ones right?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
