Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
