I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish you could order shots online.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
