So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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