you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
a search helicopter?!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
