1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
