True but thats because hes a fetus.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize