Three words: puerto rican gang bang
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
