I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
