I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
