I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
