you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
