I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
