don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
