Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
