my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
