I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
