Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
