what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
