Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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