Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
