so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
