Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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