Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
