I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
