I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My friends, they love my intelligence
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
