I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
