guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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