You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
