you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
