Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
