Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
birth control should be required to get into college
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
