I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
