I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
