I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize