i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
