I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Redeem this text for a blowjob
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My penis needs a shock collar
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
