you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Panties = found
Randomize