Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
