God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize