I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
