Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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