Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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