You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
