I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize