ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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