he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish you could order shots online.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
