youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
