My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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