The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
