Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
