There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize