well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
