No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
