The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
