i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
