did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
