he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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