to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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