my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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