Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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