sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
