K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize