i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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