I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
