When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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