Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
