I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
